No is a Complete Sentence, with Shay Huff

Tune in to witness a gorgeous, full-circle moment. If you ever wanted proof that your actions and the way you show up today can have an impact on someone’s tomorrow, this conversation with Shay Huff does that. Shay was the individual who enlightened me to the trifecta and taught me that I was allowed to say no – that saying no had no effect on my worth. We dive into all of this and more in this episode and show you how to embrace the word no for yourself.

SHAY HUFF

When you’re saying no, what you’re really doing is setting boundaries. Right? If it’s someone you’re just meeting, you’re teaching them how to treat you. And this is even harder if it’s someone you already know – you are retraining them how to treat you, and so the relationship is topsy-turvy. Like, both people are walking around on eggshells. And if you’re a person who has struggled with saying no, and you’re trying to set boundaries with someone who has struggled with saying no and/or hearing someone’s no – that can create a whole chaotic thing. And so I’ve lost some relationships because of it. But what I have gained is a lot more peace in my life – a lot, a lot of security. I no longer believe that I’m unworthy of saying no. I no longer believe that I’m unworthy of having my needs met. And I think it’s really important, especially for those who identify as women, to get comfortable with the word no.

Shay Huff is the essence of a multi-hyphenate, and the founder of WEM consulting – a space built for she/her/we to come together to feel safe, supported, and empowered as you develop mind, body, and spirit wellness. Shay is a leader in building a powerful foundation of skills-based in awareness, acceptance, discipline, and accountability. ← Stolen from her website. Under WEM she practices yoga and mentorship. And through her multi-hyphenate journey, she has now become a licensed real estate agent in the Greater Seattle area. And what’s so cool is that she combines her gifts in leading individuals to be of service to self with her actions forward as an agent. Like, hello – that’s the kind of real estate agent I want on my side.

EMBODYING THE TRIFECTA IS EMBODYING THE AUTHENTIC SELF

One of the best parts about having Shay on the show is that she was the one who introduced me to the trifecta – a central, core element of what we explore through our coaching programs at Blithe Mitrals. Don’t know what that is? Check out this episode. But, I’ll give you the quick and dirty version. Essentially, our trifecta is the union of your mind, body, and spirit – thus, creating a triangle of connection. It’s what allows us to engage in harmony through our movements, actions, and compassion in embracing the self.

And actually, the trifecta is an essential part of what opens the pathway to meeting your true alignment. Take this diagram. It shows us how the trifecta is sandwiched, if you will, between the ego and our intuition. Actually, our trifecta – that union – is what bonds the ego and our intuition, allowing our grounded selves to move with our spiritual selves.

When we focus and hone in on our trifecta, nurturing it specifically, we learn and tap into the truth of who we are. We receive insights on what’s keeping us back, propelling us forward, and the actions we need to take in order to embrace our desires within the person we are today. It’s also an incredible wake-up call to gratitude, bringing awareness to the abundant light within our lives.

There are so many ways you can nurture your trifecta – to find what’s right you, simply lean in to what’s feeling like it needs to most attention – the mind, body, or spirit. My favorite way to tune in is by simply closing my eyes, silencing the mind, and asking my trifecta what it needs right now.

Because of the way life happens, it’s unsustainable to nurture and live in harmony with the entire trifecta all the time. The trifecta knows how to lean on each other and ground their own sense of balance when you are unable to. So flow in compassion, take your time, and whatever you’re able to focus on and care for – however much you’re able to – is more than enough.

GETTING COMFORTABLE SAYING THE WORD NO

Now, you might be wondering what the trifecta has to do with the word no – especially if you haven’t listened to the podcast episode – and I’d love to take a moment to break it down for you.

When we tune into our alignment, we are meeting, feeling, and embracing the most authentic sense of self – we are tuning into our truth and what’s in service of us. The trifecta is a very powerful tool and asset in doing just that – learning what’s in service of you. The more you lean into that, the more you see that you need to create boundaries and reestablish areas of balance within your life. And as you walk forward, in order to implement that, you need to be able to communicate the word no.

As the beautiful Shay Huff told us, “no is a complete sentence.” And saying no will create a ripple effect in your vibrations, actions, and mindsets. Vowing no more, or allowing yourself to stop something that is no longer in service of you – to walk away from what holds you back from becoming the person you were meant to be – creates hope and a desire to have the resilience to see it through. But that’s the thing – the follow-through is usually pretty tricky. It can cause our relationships to get really hard and messy, and make us question why it was necessary for us to declare no in the first place.

Change is never easy, but when it is in service of self, it is always worth it. The thing that will allow us to pull through is the awareness of two things:

  1. You’re doing this to live the most authentic, big, beautiful life for you – to follow the path that leads to your own definition of what is wholesome, fruitful, and worthwhile in this chapter of your life. Saying no is allowing you to journey forward into the person you are becoming.
  2. The goal isn’t to focus on the destination – instead it’s to enjoy, embrace, and breathe in the journey as much as you can whenever you can. In other words, it’s the journey, not the destination that matters. Because you will always be you, it’s just about what version you want to live your life with. And the journey, not the destination, will shape that.

SAYING NO AS A MULTI-HYPHENATE

As multi-hyphenates, we get hyped up, enthralled with passion, and become practically impatient at times when a new idea, venture, or possibility hits us. Am I right? I remember when I began my entrepreneurial journey – heck, even before that – and I wanted to do what seemed like a million different things. And I wanted to do them all at the same time. I heard others discuss manifestation and the process of it, and made the incorrect assumption that if we are to become what we want to be, we have to live in that reality from day one. I also thought that if I didn’t hit the ground running with immediate success, I failed.

Have you ever felt that way? It took me a while to understand that what “they” were referring to was simply embracing the elements of self that allow you to walk the journey that leads to the desired destination. Now, that’s far more accessible and implementable within our pursuits, is it not? Except. with multi-passionate entrepreneurs, it can get tricky to find the balance in pursuing that alongside a single-track mind of what we are building. Because we don’t have single-track minds. We’re visionaries, and we’re interested in balancing all of what makes us who we are, not just an element of ourselves.

To truly embrace the life of a multi-hyphenate – to embrace all of what makes us who we are – it’s far more helpful to look at what you’re building and flowing through as chapters in the book of your life. It makes it easier to say no and take pause or kill your darlings on what you’re currently pursuing forward. You don’t have to say good-bye to everything for forever, but doing whatever you can to channel into the moment and lean into what foundations you can build right now – whether that be personal, professional, or somewhere in between – will lead you to a greater form of success than what you are currently envisioning. I promise.

Look, you can have it all. You just can’t have it all immediately at this moment. You’ve got to build up to it. And that’s where living in the moment – embracing the journey and not living for the destination – becomes an aid in stepping forward into the person you are becoming. You’ve got this – just give your varied passions the space, breath, and compassion they need to blossom into the magic that they are. You’ve got this. Say no, my friend, so you can say yes to what continues to light you up.

POINTS TO PUT IN YOUR BACK POCKET

  • Tuning into the the trifecta, whenever and however you can, will help lead you into your true embracement of self and what will be in best service of self.
  • Saying no is setting boundaries, and it teaches others how to treat you.
  • When you’re first using the word no, it will likely get messy and tricky. Change is never easy, but when it’s in service of self, it is always worth it.
  • We have to say no as multi-hyphenates, because we can’t do it all from the get-go. We’ve got to walk it step by step and continue venturing into what lights us up in accessible, compassionate ways.
  • It’s not about the destination – it’s the journey that makes you who you are.

    REFERENCES & NEXT STEPS